tokyo_oversleep

hm... life is good. writing in this thing isn't my thing but I hope to utilize the communities on here more.... :)

dear livejournal that I almost never write in,

you are the least of my concerns, but I feel the need to put something here because you exist even though philosophy class may argue otherwise. midterms kicking my ass after stumbling a few days this week. must work hard, diligently and critically to make ends meet. meaning, this next week will be hell. two papers, a history midterm and an exam in chinese. i do love learning. all I think about is art and how what I'm learning applies to what I do and who I am somehow... just having this puzzle at the moment is very frustrating. but that's the usual story.

i am hoping the red sox win tonight. and i am hoping that i will not stay up until 3AM playing zelda on my DS again. i am so close to beating it though... but so far. i am hoping that all the oceanic references i keep making will cease after i put the wayfaring nature of this game aside. probably not.

now I must brain dump on this paper on the problem of evil.

perhaps there will be more posting in the future. i'm just eager for my new iMac and the ability to brain dump visually again. i'd draw/paint/sculpt if it wasn't such a bitch to prepare materials. i also miss having the internet at my fingers. the ds does a good job, but it's just a little ghetto. just a little.

i should eat something. i really want a burrito.

the weather sucks ass.
i'm slopping wet.
but i feel like painting.

the shuttle bus from tufts scraped off the side of a car parked in the middle of the street today
so i had to walk to the e train to get back to school.
stupid people should know better, i think.
but it's good to know jumbo is watching over us.

counseling has been more and more revealing_
i should make art about half the shit brought up in that 45 minute time span.
i'm really inspired by contemporary chinese ink painting right now
and secrets, questions and lies.
and of course stories.

i really like flahs
i really like plaster
i'm kinda fearing the welding shop
but i will own it.
like 0wnz.

i saw a lot of cute boys today.
it's the v-day craze.
i was reading an articles in the APA's monitor journal about love
and how it's more of a primal want...like satisfying hunger or thirst.
and that passionate love declines unless there's like a mutual friendship underlying the whole thing.

also been having crazy dreams
almost got fired for being late, again.
i think i should invest in an alarm clock.
they had really good food at work though.

but yeah the crazy dreams leave me in a state of not enough sleep-ness.

what else do i need to write about?
my website was complimented by a emmy award winner/npr host.
that was kinda cool.
i really enjoy my media class and i want to take more.

oh i have so much to write about.
these are just bullet points to a larger story
that is my semester thus far.

R.I.P Anna Nicole Smith and all the dead in Iraq.
the news is depressing, but it keeps us informed about the world.
i think that's more important than feeling happy all the time.
i think the guest speaker in my class put it best:
"we could be watching beauty and the geek and food network all the time!"
hahaha.
amazing.

just like life.

happy love to you all:
http://www.kawaiinot.com/?p=75
http://antfarm.org
(MEDIA BURN)

love,
vanessa

http://www.summerstage.org/index1.aspx?BD=19270

inspired by listening to his stuff in matt scott's car.
i wanna go ^_^
too bad it's the same night as guster? haha

ever since high school and i discovered the joys of city guide newspapers (specifically newcity), i began reading free will astrology. it's different from most horoscopes, as he uses ancedotes and bits of knowledge from everywhere to construct advice. i like the one for this week: Austin artist Scott Wade likes to let layers of dust collect on the rear window of his car. That allows him to express his specialty: detailed "paintings" carved out of the dust with his fingers and paintbrushes. The most exquisite of his temporary masterpieces was a black-and-white reproduction of one of the famous "Dogs Playing Poker" paintings. I recommend you make Wade your role model, Sagittarius. Create unexpected wonders and exuberant curiosities out of stuff that's used in a different way than it's "supposed" to be.

jonathan said to me a few nights ago, you're constantly being creative... but that doesn't mean you have to make work constantly. so i should really stop beating myself over not making work. last night was the first time i exercised creativity... i made a joiner of my room to show jonathan what it looks like now. although, now that i reformatted my computer, it's forcing me to use the new software (the CS2 suite)_ and i realized how behind i was with the technology. i struggled a little bit in adjusting to the new features (linking layers isn't the same... so many new layers options... AHHHH). but after the program crashed once, i figured it out. but there's so much to learn. i have to catch up. this also applies to web, flash, animation.

i'm going to stop sitting in my comfort zone.



i'm done looking for a job. i start school in a month and it feels pointless. i hope i have better luck in the wintertime... i might have to change my plans. but, in exchange of not having a job, i swore off shopping. i wrote a list and stuck it up on my magnet board. so everytime i'm on the computer i have to see it, lol. ultimately, i would like to save up for a G5 tower + adobe creative suite (legit copies, OMFG)...and some really cool silkscreen posters *lame*. it's a lot easier to find a job in the wintertime, i think. the holiday season calls out to the consumer whore in all of us.

I finally remembered who Terry Zwigoff is... he directed the Art School Movie + Bad Santa, in addition to Ghost Word. Which, if you read up on it, is a brilliant graphic novel. I have it on hold at the library, along with a ton of CDs haha. I love the Boston Public Library... you can check out up to 70 items, with a 30 DVD/CD limit.

so, these are the things that i'm looking forward to for the rest of my summer + fall:
BT!!!
Visiting Rhode Island at some point (RAR)
Max's visit August 1st - 9th
YarisWorks events (http://yarisworks.com/events.php)
SIGGRAPH (the biggest computer graphics convention is being held right here in boston this year! too bad I found out about it after student volunteering closed... I wonder if I could sneak in)
Reading
My visit back to Chicago!!! August 15th - 30th
Which means... SummerDance! Lake! Outdoor Film Festivals! Neighborhood festivals! Photo shooting, Film developing, book making?& Free stuff
SNAKES ON A PLANE 08/18! (rofl)
Movie Watching
Joe Visiting?
SCHOOL
LADYTRON
MASSIVE ATTACK w/ ALY!!!!
BORAT'S MOVIE (http://www.borat.tv/)

And whatever else comes my way.

i am never ever buying tickets through ticketmaster ever again.

why?
- stupid convenience charges
- it's slow
- you get bad seats

I got front row center for massive attack bitches.
I was third in line at 9:30.
The line picked up at 10.
I learned that box office + playing with cash + knowing your shit = tickets
I felt bad for the people who went for tool tickets (they went on sale at the same time) but found out it was ticketmaster only.
It was also misprinted in the paper when tickets went on sale.
Worked to hardcore fans' advantage.

Ladytron Massive Attack back to back = best weekend of my life.

Massive Attack
Orpheum Theatre, Boston, MA
Sun, Oct 1, 2006 07:30 PM

tickets go on sale friday...
i'm sold.

Sonic Youth
Avalon
Boston, MA
Sunday, September 3 at 7:00 PM
On Sale Friday, July 14 at 10:00 AM

Zero 7
Avalon
Boston, MA
Tuesday, September 12 at 8:00 PM
On Sale Saturday, July 15 at 10:00 AM

Sat, 09/30/06
07:00 PM
Ladytron
Avalon Boston, MA

Fri, 10/20/06
07:00 PM
Kaiju Big Battel
Avalon Boston, MA

OMG... (i'll have to work harder to find more events)

EDIT: Things in NYC (this is retarded how much more there is in nyc)

Fri, 08/04/06
08:00 PM
Kaiju Big Battel
Warsaw
Brooklyn, NY

Sat, 08/12/06
05:00 PM
Yeah Yeah Yeahs / Sonic Youth
McCarren Park Pool
Brooklyn, NY

Sat, 08/19/06
09:00 PM
Tricky
Irving Plaza
New York, NY

Mon, 08/21/06
08:00 PM
Foo Fighters
Beacon Theatre
New York, NY

Wed, 08/23/06
05:00 PM
The Shins
McCarren Park Pool
Brooklyn, NY

Thu, 08/24/06
09:00 PM
Digable Planets
Nokia Theatre Times Square
New York, NY

Thu, 09/07/06
09:00 PM
DJ Krush
Irving Plaza
New York, NY

Fri, 09/29/06
08:00 PM
Sufjan Stevens
Town Hall
New York, NY

Tue, 10/03/06
06:45 PM
Massive Attack (OMFG_ why can't they come to BOSTON AHH)
Roseland Ballroom
New York, NY

http://www.freenyc.net/

i passed out on the couch last night, since i need to buy an actual mattress for my bed. the air mattress doesn't fit the frame of the ikea bed, so i run the risk of falling through the wood base boards if i sleep on it wrong. that's scary. at least sleeping on the couch doesn't give me back pains when i wake up in the morning.

i woke up and talked to jonathan for 45 minutes at 5:30. i fell back asleep and had my first nightmare.

#1
it started off like any dream, i ran away from home again and went to marina city. i stayed at a classy hotel, working as a laundry girl to earn my stay. i wanted something more, so i talked to the boss of the hotel, who directed me to the grand train station just a few blocks away. i didn't realize how close to Manhattan/new york city i was; in fact, Manhattan was invisible to me until i step foot into this train station. as all train stations are, they're full of people traveling. i walked to the closest map and attempted to pick out a destination. a huge wall of clocks ticked away in front of me, showing the time to cities in the different time zones, even though san diego and san fransisco were in the same zone. i glanced around and noticed a few NYPD gawking at me; i walked further out to see the main entrance blocked off by the news media, a car crash had occur ed just outside the building. i took it as a sign, turned around and went to the ticket counter. i don't recollect buying a ticket, or taking a train to a new place. the fluorescent lights gave my skin a blue-ish tint, and the fake wood look clashed with these lights. and the white walls.

when i arrived, i immediately started looking for a job. in real life, trains can't take you to new continents. but in this case, i was definitely not in North America anymore. i discovered a cute little anime merchandise gift shop and entered to inquire for an application. the woman at the counter shook her head and insisted that hiring new help would be too much for the boss. but i pressed on, and eventually the boss (a typical old Chinese man) wandered out from his back office and took a good look at me. he said, i could probably reel in more business with my charms. he disappeared to the back, and the woman had let me behind the counter. i looked at the store, which took on a dollar store style layout with walls of sanrio and san-x plushies, anime figures, manga books, bootleg dvds, even candy for the young kids. the man emerged from the back room again, struggling to carry a huge wrapped up bundle. the woman next to me rushed to help him carry the massive block. they put the thing on the table in front of me, and the old man carefully untied all the string that held the book together. it was bound by jade, and had many signatures (segments of a book) that gave it the weight and age. many signatures filled these pages, many names i didn't recognize. the old man frowned as he furrowed his brow; the segment at the top of the pile was already filled with signatures. he began to say something, but i had already pulled from the lower end of the pile, a part with barely any signatures. this disrupted the balance, and the whole book came out of order and fell to my feet. he said, "i was going to ask to you just sign at the top of the first one, there was a little space." he sighed. i signed the one i held, and handed it back to him. the woman and i began to pick up the pages and the parts, and the old man said, "it is okay to have this in disarray now. disarray is a movement of change, and a sign of movement."

i started work. i only have two memories of work; my first day, before the whole scenario changed. my first memory of work was shelving the new shipment of manga we received that day. two boys waltzed down the aisle and commented on how cute i was; i blushed and began to shelf faster. one of them turned around and winked. he said, "i'll be coming back to see you often!"

later on that day, a big group of elementary school kids w/ their adult chaperons came into the store looking to purchase a ton of candy. it was nearly impossible for the chaperons and us to keep track of 150 hyper, short children. in the midst of this chaos, however, there was a locked, white door on the opposite side of the store. in the center... and today, it burst open. it was like a bad scene of halo/splinter cell/quake/half life/whatever grossly violent first person shooter you could throw at me. two men started shooting at everything, gunning down the kids and the adult alike. my mom walked in the store at the wrong time, to top things off, telling me she had come to take me home. i pushed her behind the counter and told her to stay really still. play dead even. as i shoved her in my boss's office. in a matter of a few minutes, everyone was either dead or gone. the only three people left alive were my mother, my boss and i. as the two guys inspected around and took some candy, my boss smiled at me and handed me a bead. he smiled and told me to never to lose it. i nodded.

as the two men approached, my boss told me to bow as low as i possibly could. i followed his example, and shut my eyes tight. the two men grumbled at how pathetic we looked, and weren't even worth the kill. one of them had kicked me (even though i didn't feel the pain in my side; it was then i realized something was off). the other went into the office and screamed, "it's not fucking here!" i heard footsteps. both men were angry now. "hey, look at this old cunt." my heartbeat skipped wildly. i heard a gunshot. "she didn't react. i guess she's been dead a while." they laughed and left.

i opened my eyes and ran into the office. my boss hobbled behind, clutching his side. "mom... mom..." my mom suddenly woke up as if from a deep 100 years slumber. she smirked and said, "we should go." my boss nodded.

so we ran. outside was savanna. we were in africa. we ran up to the treehouse where our belongings were being kept. i told my mom to hurry, not knowing whether they would reappear or not. the second i felt a little safe, i heard gunshots and stomping. "the fucking book is here somewhere!" the familiar angry voice bellowed. my mom wouldn't leave without her possessions. i panicked. they arrived as she hid and i pressed myself under one of the windows. his boot went through the window. gunshots. my first inclination was to jump out the window, but this was the third floor of a tall treehouse. what about my mom? sneers. shots. blurs. choices. actions.

am i going to die?

i woke up in a startle. i took a good look at my cell phone. it was only 9AM. I needed more sleep. i stayed awake for a while. recalling too clearly what happened in the dream. in fact, i'm missing details. i can't remember now.

i eventually went back to sleep.

#2
since i went into so much detail with the first one, i'll write this one in bullets. i don't remember it as clearly.

suicide club to gain whatever you desired
needed to mix the perfect soy drink.
drink it and die.
chicago.
summer.
cta bu 296 to the dominicks/strip mall.
walked pass and osco, a cvs
sherrie and i were grocery shopping together
the power was out in the store.
store running on emergency power reserve
so everything was pretty dark.
a reverend wearing a pink tank top. grill. fro.
he was white.
asking us if we loved pink flyod.
and if the sugar was on sale.
i needed packets of sugar for my drink.
i climbed the display to get to the stuff i wanted.
i was gonna mix this myself
until i noticed the asian food section.
premade soymilk
but none of the brand i wanted.
you had to mix it just right... with 100% of all vitamins and minernals for it to kill.
so i was reading the labels for something that was already close.
a girl stopped me in my tracks.
she was hispanic.
she told me it wasn't worth it.
she couldn't bring her baby back by killing herself.
she told me i was a fool to even try.
and said some other really important things.
but i can't remember now.
i dropped everything in my basket expect for the soy milk.
because i like soy milk.

i don't like nightmares.
but it's good to remember.

who wants to go to philly?
http://www.play-symphony.com/index.php

i'm dying of boredom. this is ridiculous.

does anyone want to go to this?
http://www.cambridgema.gov/deptann.cfm?story_id=1043

"every passing minute is an opportunity to turn it all around"
i love discovering things like these.

horoscope for the week
A garbage strike turned out to be a lucky break for two people in Illinois. Brother and sister Ezekiel and Karen Garnett had bought a lottery ticket but then carelessly thrown it out. Many days later they heard that the winning $10.5 million ticket remained unclaimed. Was it theirs? They sifted through two weeks' worth of trash, which remained uncollected outside their house because sanitation engineers had walked off the job. Voila! They found the precious ticket. Now I predict you'll be visited by a comparable sequence, Sagittarius--a glitch that leads to a happy ending. It may be that an asset you've neglected or squandered will return to you because of an inconvenience. Or perhaps you'll realize how valuable a certain experience is only after you've lost it, whereupon you'll recover it against all odds.

i sort of want to write a story loosely about conicidence. i doubt that will come true in the way i'm thinking, but "I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way." - carl sandburg, and also like JTHM

my mother leaves in two days. it's been real. i'm going to miss the company, even if she talks to me in my sleep and we don't see eye to eye.

things i want to complain about:
i somehow spent $1000 in the last month... well, $350 went toward the credit card bill, and $150 towards ikea stuff. that's half. i guess it makes sense. my mom's been complaining that i'm too nice and should ask for money for the things i contribute... like groceries and stuff. but like, months will pass and i'll probably shrug it off. i hate asking for money; i feel like an asshole.

i'd feel like less of an asshole if i had a job.

my mom also lectures me on energy conservation. she's right. al gore would love my mom. haha. remember kids, turn off the lights when you're not using them. (it's true, lights are probably the most electricty consuming things. lights can't even compare to the computer. imagine that)

i can't wait to start making books again.

i had a really strange dream last night about going to a shoe store that was going out of business. and i was buying the coolest pair of pokemon sneakers. i bumped into my former photo teachers, drea and jonesy. and we had a lengthy discussion about the nature of memory; i don't remember a word of it; but i think i was talking in my sleep... so my mom probably heard it. too bad she can't tell me what i said.

speaking of pokemon, there's an event coming up at the braintree mall... http://www.simon.com/mall/event_details.aspx?ID=147&EID=47778

let's go be pokemon nerds.

a letter will be written tonight

can someone please teach me how to ride a bike?

so as i stressed out over my computer, my mom remarked on how thick my arms were, how i have some belly and how my hair's thinning at the top. i am feeling quite hideous right now. maybe if i lose like another 15-20 pounds, i'll be "happy with myself." whatever that means.

like ms. dawn said, maybe i'll be skinny by the time i'm back in town (i know she's kidding, but it's easy to take it to heart on your own accord.)

my computer's running, and i got the internet working. but i have to reinstall the router. again. and like a bunch of software shit.

i'm fighting the temptation to cry. i already caved into the eating ice cream one, though.

i don't like the idea that i'm gonna be alone all summer.

so I convinced my mom to go see the fireworks.
Until my computer started to blue screen at start-up.
So I reformatted the bitch.
And I have to start from scratch.
My mom offered to buy me a G5 tower (if sherrie could find me one for under 1500 haha), but I feel like an ass if I accept.

It's still raining.
No fireworks until next year I suppose.
I hear the fireworks on the Charles is an amazing thing too.

Next summer, I hope.

it's raining outside and my mom doesn't want to go see the fireworks with me.
worst summer ever? probably. lol.

on a happier note, BLANK AND JONES ARE COMING TO THE AVALON AUGUST 25!! YAY

so my little sister isn't picking up the phone at home.
so my mom and i are thinking the worst.
like, dad's in the hospital. or she's like unconscious. or something.

being 19 sucks.

happy july 4th, guys.

EDIT: the phone lines at home were down. and still are. luckily, cristina called us from the neighbor's phone. <3 i still think being 19 is shit though.

so my favorite songs as of late seems to talk about the same things in different perspectives. this always happens when "major things" occur in my life and i'm looking for ways to cope. this is probably why music is so important in life, with or without lyrics. can you figure out what this song is? lol.

I've been to all the familiar places
I've been running like a sentence never begun
I've been looking for a way to let you know
I've got nothing left to fill the spaces
I've got nothing but a centre coming undone
I've been doing circles and it shows

Every cloud in the sky
Every place that I hide
Tell me that I
I was wrong to let you go
Every sound that I hear
Every thought that I fear
Tell me that I
I was wrong
I was wrong to let you go

It’s the little things that make you crazy
Like the thought of someone touching your skin
I can see you everywhere I go
You could be inside a sea of faces
It could be the rumour of your grin
Swimming in the river as it flows

Every cloud in the sky
Every place that I hide
Tell me that I
I was wrong to let you go
Every sound that I hear
Every thought that I fear
Tell me that I
I was wrong
I was wrong to let you go